he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
