Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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