Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
