cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
