I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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