we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
