hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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