Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
