who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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