I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So. Much. Porn.
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