Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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