Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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