Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
