"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
