i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
