So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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