id be glad to
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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