i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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