Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
