So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
