They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
