Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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