so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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