Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
