Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
