Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
