Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
