I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
