His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize