Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
