i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
