Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
