This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
