come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
