he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
