I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
