There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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