I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
