The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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