we have pet lesbian snakes
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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