a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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