He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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