what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
