so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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