I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
