I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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