I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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