You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
