I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
