just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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