The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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