....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
