And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
two words...techno handjob
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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