I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
