By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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