So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
