idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
