Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
