i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
