I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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