piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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