So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
