Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
