just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
