someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
