Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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